Is it Saturday already?!?!
  1. WHAT IS HAPPENING WITH BETHENNY'S FACE???
    Static
    I mean...I have no idea who that person is and most certainly have not watched several seasons of the Real Housewives of New York while in a deep depression.
  2. "I was protecting what I see as my one talent in the whole world being belittled." This is precisely how I would feel if anyone made fun of my ability to do the Monday New York Times crossword puzzle.
    Static
  3. I grew up in the 80s, Kiefer Sutherland, so I know an AWFUL LOT about you. Bring it.
    Static
  4. I like to think this is exactly how this conversation went. 'And then Jude said, "Yes. Yes, I will help you." And I said, "Thank you. You are my friend."'
    Static
  5. Wait. Your kid was born swaddled? That's incredibly efficient. And, one would assume, incredibly uncomfortable for her mother.
    Static
  6. AND I WISH I HAD INVENTED SLICED BREAD BUT HERE WE ARE.
    Static
    Really reaching there, Kiefer.
  7. Oddly, I think of him as 4"3'.
    Static
    Why would you think that people think you're taller? Is that something people generally think about other people?
  8. Do they, though?
    Static
  9. Feuds of the week! If we take nothing else from this, let us all start referring to ourselves as #unbothered.
    Static
  10. Yeah. That's mostly where Batman vs. Superman's $250 million budget went: Spandex.
    Static
    Also, who are these "real" superheroes Gibson's talking about? Like, Hitler?
  11. Piper Perabo! I cannot tell you how much I enjoy saying her name! Piperperabopiperperabopiperperabo! See!
    Static
    She sounds like a sassy girl-detective from the 1940s. Or, like, a stripper.
  12. PIPER PERABO IS NOT FANCY.
    Static
  13. But she does carry incense sticks with her and "light[s] them everywhere." Sigh. It's not that I want to punch her in the face, but also I do.
  14. She carries around a map of Santa Cruz. This is weird, right? It's like she got "purse" confused with "junk drawer."
  15. Wildflower seeds? I AM OUT.
    Static
  16. Lion jacket. <— literally all I can come up with.
    Static
  17. We all were, dude. We ALL were.
    Static
  18. Katie Perry, mistress of the metaphor, rightly comparing our potentially disastrous future as a union to selecting an entree for a wedding reception.
    Static
  19. This is what we call "almost evolving." So close.
    Static
  20. Well, there's this. Some kind of light drapery material over a tan bodysuit. And boots. Probably from the "Ennui by Kanye" collection. You guys, again, I don't even know what to say about this. I might be broken.
    Static
  21. I think we pair up Miss America Savvy Shields with Piper Perabo and we have a madcap caper on our hands!
    Static
  22. Michelle Williams always strikes me as this fragile, delicate flower who needs protecting. I do wish someone had protected the bottom half of her dress.
    Static
  23. Will Arnett poses with two young women, both of whom are wayyyy too old for him to date either on screen or off! No wonder he looks so alarmed.
    Static
  24. "I think it's, like, a book or something maybe? Or, like...a menu?"
    Static
  25. Bravo, genetics. Bra. Vo. :::slow clap::::
    Static
  26. I want you to know that Lourdes Leon goes to the University of Michigan here in Ann Arbor and has not ONCE stopped by to introduce herself, which just seems kind of rude.
    Static
  27. Well, this is a shoe-in for this week's Haunt My Nightmare image.
    Static
    That is TERRIFYING.
  28. Just like Betty in season five of Mad Men.
    Static
  29. PACEY SURFING!!!
    Static
  30. THOSE. EYES. 😱
    Static
  31. "Yep, I'm still pretty. Phew!"
    Static
  32. I am ALSO withholding my phone number from Justin Bieber, ALSO for the sake of my mental health.
    Static
  33. A PLAY, you guys! They are writing a PLAY together. This is the best news I have ever heard.
    Static
    And just in time, since we sadly lost Edward Albee today. I think it's safe to say they will fill his shoes.
  34. A nightmare so hideous, she had to sit on her bedroom floor to ponder it. 😮
    Static
    That's bad, y'all.
  35. She also stole Constance Zimmer's haircut.
    Static
  36. Four Seasons Pool Boy to Frankel: Fuck You
    Static
  37. Staggering to fathom the demise of a relationship that began with the line, "Are you ready to get the stick out of your ass?"
    Static
  38. I love Hollywood, where the part of the alcoholic fatso is played by...Emily Blunt? Seems right.
    Static
  39. THIS I am so looking forward to. I think Ruth Negga is THE BOMB.
    Static
  40. If I were not suffering from the issue fatigue that sets in at about this point every week, I'd mine this for a good "reach back" joke. Wait. I mean "reach around." Dammit! Never mind. Now I'm too fatigued to erase all this.
    Static
  41. Probably better than inside her purse.
    Static
    "And over here is the custom cabinet where I drain young children of both their blood and souls so that I may ever look 35."
  42. "Then my dogs and I just get D-RUNK!"
    Static
  43. This week's beauty tip: save $189 and just use a fistful of gravel.
    Static
  44. Nope. I don't care what you say. Just nope.
    Static
  45. How about a "spoiler alert" next time?!?!
    Static
  46. Lord help us.
    Static
  47. Oh, Rihanna! Thank you. Truly. From the bottom of my heart. In an issue woefully short on Sartorial Dumbfuckery, you are a beacon of hope.
    Static
  48. Kris Jenner's just fucking with us now, right? (Do I say that every week?)
    Static
  49. And then, from out of left field, comes a brand new victor! It is Serayah! Who is that? Doesn't matter! She, with her granny underwear and tatters, is this week's winner of the Christ on a Cracker Award for Sartorial Dumbfuckery! I hope she can carry the award home, because there isn't a single safe place to tuck it on that outfit.
    Static
  50. So that's it. Another week. It's all over with, kids. Time to go home and feed your dogs/kids/cats/whatever. Thanks for spending this special time with me!