1. That's a lot of inoffensively attractive white people!
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    And so many teeth.
  2. First look at the cast of Hollywood Coven.
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  3. Good lord that jacket is an affront to good taste. But points to Mariah for walking upright unassisted.
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  4. As a knitter, I've certainly overestimated the length of a sweater. But not by this much. NEVER BY THIS MUCH.
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  5. That's the patriarchy for you.
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  6. CAN'T. EVEN. WAIT.
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  7. Yeah. It's just a giant, knitted penis head, is all.
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  8. My main fashion rule: bedsheets OR ripped jeans. Never both.
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    But then I'm not Beyoncé, am I? Don't answer that.
  9. Whoa.
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  10. I appreciate Drew Barrymore. I, too, prefer to remain fully clothed when swimming in public.
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  11. In case you were sitting there wondering where Roger Daltrey has been lately.
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  12. Look, I watch a lot of Lockup. He's not the only hot felon in the world.
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    Also, I find him terrifying.
  13. There are few things I love more than taking baths — and few things I can envy a luxury tub. Not enough to jump in with Robin Thicke. 50 Cent, on the other hand…
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  14. James Van Der Beek's publicist wins this round.
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    What's good, Hillary Duff?
  15. Remember when the game was "Cindy Crawford or Caitlynn Jenner?" Just saying. Things change, Teri Hatcher.
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  16. I miss The Grinder. Maybe Fred Savage will just come by my house and hang out sometime.
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  17. Ooo! Ooo! This should be good! I predict Manolos, black eyeliner and Andy Cohen.
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  18. This is all very, very boring. Plus, I'm pretty sure once you're carrying a dental hygiene kit, reading material and a change of clothes, it's luggage, not a purse.
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  19. Also, 👀. She has $20, four quarters and a metro card. She's just asking to be robbed.
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  20. Just in case you're looking for a quote to help you get out of/stay in your marriage. "But Ethan Hawks says…"
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  21. The puritans were right: first comes dancing, then comes a baby. I KNEW IT.
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  22. I'd really love it if one of you would throw me a birthday tea party. You can leave out the whole Lauren Conrad element.
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  23. I only highlighted this because my friend was the director of The Architect and at the premiere, my husband and I rode in an uncomfortably small elevator with Viola David and her husband. She did not make eye contact. The end.
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  24. I'm still not 100% convinced this is actually a show.
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  25. Well, I know you're thirsty AF...
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  26. NEARLY
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  27. It's like I can see into his soul now.
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  28. And a penis.
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  29. Hey, the Nanny's back!
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  30. Mumble MC Hammer's pajamas mumble no top mumble try harder.
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  31. For the love of Miss Kitty. How close you came to taking the prize this week. How close.
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  32. But THIS. You guys, this is Sartorial Dumfuckery on a whole, 'nother level. It's Mary Ingalls in a 70s cheap nightgown factory explosion. You have earned this week's Christ on a Cracker Award for Sartorial Dumbfuckery. You have earned it HARD.
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