If you want to teach your children why a half-assed effort is not good enough, feel free to show them this list.
  1. My god. That look.
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  2. Here, to distract you from the chaos in the world, is a bunch of famous cleavage. Or breastbone, at least.
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  3. How can the same dress make one woman look like a gorgeous bombshell and the other one look like, well, Lindsay Lohan?
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    It's not just the side slit, right?
  4. It barely leaves enough time for the popcorn shop...
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  5. I'm not sure what exactly "the twins" refers to in this case. So many options.
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  6. Dag, C-3PO got fat.
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  7. This is what I imagine Julie Bowen looks like drunk.
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  8. How does one woman forget to wear pants so often?
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  9. But at least she is not suffering this horrible embarrassment alone.
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  10. Great. Now Brandon is obviously on Trump's payroll now too.
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    Also, I'd watch this action flick.
  11. Hey, did you guys see that Busy Phillip's gonna be in the new sitcom from Tina Fey?!??
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  12. This is how Miley transports her weed.
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  13. Okay, so I know I overplay the "I don't know who this is" card but it DOES say Rose Leslie is in The Good Fight and I am eager to see that, mainly because I'm eager to see Christine Baranski do anything.
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  14. Just how little IS her boyfriend?
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    (Her boyfriend is actually GOT's Kit Harington, which you probably think is a perfect segue into something about him not being the little guy on that show, but it's not. IT'S NOT.)
  15. If I may be so bold...because they're goddamn delicious?
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  16. Another week, another photo of an overweight farmhand and his skate Betty.
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  17. For those on Madonna Face Watch, this appears to be its current status.
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  18. She is adopting twin girls because BEYONCÉ IS NOT GOING TO WIN THIS ROUND!
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  19. This is some story about Drew Barrymore getting hurt on set of Santa Clarita Diet. Calm down. She's fine. I'm only including it because it mentions Timothy Olyphant...
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  20. ... who looks like this.
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    That is all.
  21. Anyone's dream, Jerry?
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  22. Static
  23. Notice that's not actually what's happening in this photo. It's just fodder for your mid-nineties girl-on-girl fantasies.
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  24. I 100% believe that Melania never wanted this. But if I have to pay for her reluctance, she can effing suck it up.
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  25. And here are some actual things other First Ladies did but NO SHADE, MELANIA.
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  26. Wow. I guess the 4,023 headlines I've read announcing this over the past five years WERE right.
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    What are the odds?
  27. "9:05 PM: Play family game, Symbionese Liberation Army, with the wife."
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  28. Straight out of a 1980s Love Boat fancy last-night dinner scene, in which she inexplicably finds Doc irresistible.*
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    *My thanks to the three of you old enough to understand this reference.
  29. Nicole Ritchie, after robbing Chloe Sevigny's Big Love wardrobe. Good god. You may have taken this week's Christ on a Cracker Award for Sartorial Dumbfuckery, Jemima, but you ALSO broke my friggin' spirit. CONGRATULATIONS.
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  30. 25 Things You Did Not Know About Mr. Cube
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  31. Did he mean to say goth? Or emo musician? Or professional photographer? Or edgy cater-waiter? Or Vanderpump Rules bartender? Los Angeles hairdresser? Or Los Angeles Coke dealer? Or Los Angeles anything?
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  32. I was there with them too, but if I violate the NDA, I get my face shot off.
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    AND I WILL ALWAYS REMEMBER.
  33. RESPECT
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  34. Giphy