A PUBLIC SERVICE: BOTTOM-LINING THIS WEEK'S US MAGAZINE JUST FOR YOU - ISSUE 12.26.16 🎄⛄️❄️🎁

My baby chickens, I regret to inform you that this will be my last public service list...FOR THE YEAR!!! Oh, I really had you worried for a second, didn't I? I hope you and yours stay cozy over the holiday season. Thanks for continuing to support this nonsense.
  1. Raise your hand if you think no kids at Christmas sounds fantastic?
  2. I think this is a very festive first nominee for this year's last Christ on a Award for Sartorial Dumbfuckery! I get that she's a super model. I understand she CAN wear anything and look fantastic. That doesn't mean she SHOULD.
    Also, this reminds me of a molecule chain from science class.
  3. Oh, for god's sake. Now I know what to get for the naughty western toddler on my list.
  4. Shrek. Shrek wore this best.
  5. I don't... I mean, I can't... I mean...
  6. Oh, COME ON. Does she really need compliments like this? She's already Emily Blunt! It seems egregious.
  7. Wait until your 40s. 10 out of 10.
  8. Just like in the romance movies.
  9. Rita Hanks: bravely trying to single-handedly bring back the perm.
  10. Hey! Royal Dumbfuckery! Nice knee-highs, gents.
  11. Definitely what happens to you when Emma Stone dumps your ass.
  12. Even if I use every ounce of brain power I possess, I cannot even begin to fathom the amount of cocaine these two have consumed between them during their respective careers.
  13. Nightmare...Haunt...can't ... finish ... sentence.
  14. Uh. Maybe I spoke too soon.
  15. It is my duty to point out at least once a year that Matthew McConaghey has T-Rex arms.
  16. HOW MUCH MONEY DO THEIR PUBLICISTS MAKE?????
  17. It's too easy, right? I can't nominate all of them. This isn't kindergarten. There are no awards just for participating.
  18. I love these. I just love when the public weighs in on important national issues. It reminds me that we all still have a voice.
  19. Spoiler alert, but just for the Kerry family: you're about to come into some ugly-ass wooden wine glasses.
  20. I think I had this dream.
  21. What's in Ali Wentworth's purse? Probably George Stephanopoulos! HA HA HA HA HA HA! Get it? BECAUSE HE'S SMALL!!!!
    Also, it's nice to see inside the purse of someone I have heard of but the millenials might not.
  22. The very least a crushed dog deserves is a treat.
  23. This expression. Talk about meme-ready. AGAIN.
  24. These two look like the blond and dark-haired version of the same emoji.
  25. Koven.
  26. Hands-down the best celebrity sighting of all time.
  27. I feel certain he will not lack for company.
  28. Good.
  29. Lord.
  30. It has Erika Jayne, a Hello Kitty Bounce house, video game stations, display donuts and Bethenny Frankel's boobs.
  31. Another page, another nominee.
  32. Things you don't believe are things even with photographic proof.
  33. YES
  34. What. Is. It???
  35. There should be a law: see-through skirt OR belly and shoulder cut outs.
  36. Denim does not get enough credit for its credulity-straining durability and strength.
  37. No reason we shouldn't be upcycling all of Apollo Creed's robes.
  38. 25 Things You Don't Know About Geena Davis!
  39. How on EARTH is this woman 60?!?!
  40. Her house sounds terrifying, frankly.
  41. 😍
  42. This is a great claim to make since there's no way anyone could ever tell if you were making it up.
  43. Okay. Wait. Now I'm just wondering if she's fucking with us.
  44. I knew this one already and I think it is awesome.
  45. Now I'm just terrified of her.
  46. So I guess this means that it's time to hand out the last Christ on a Cracker Award for Sartorial Dumbfuckery of 2016. You really brought it this year, celebs. A lot of you looked like garbage a lot of the time. But for this issue, I have to give it to Kim Zolciak's denim jumpsuit. Let's hope she gives it the holidays off to celebrate.