My baby chickens, I regret to inform you that this will be my last public service list...FOR THE YEAR!!! Oh, I really had you worried for a second, didn't I? I hope you and yours stay cozy over the holiday season. Thanks for continuing to support this nonsense.
  1. Raise your hand if you think no kids at Christmas sounds fantastic?
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  2. I think this is a very festive first nominee for this year's last Christ on a Award for Sartorial Dumbfuckery! I get that she's a super model. I understand she CAN wear anything and look fantastic. That doesn't mean she SHOULD.
    Static
    Also, this reminds me of a molecule chain from science class.
  3. Oh, for god's sake. Now I know what to get for the naughty western toddler on my list.
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  4. Shrek. Shrek wore this best.
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  5. I don't... I mean, I can't... I mean...
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  6. Oh, COME ON. Does she really need compliments like this? She's already Emily Blunt! It seems egregious.
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  7. Wait until your 40s. 10 out of 10.
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  8. Just like in the romance movies.
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  9. Rita Hanks: bravely trying to single-handedly bring back the perm.
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  10. Hey! Royal Dumbfuckery! Nice knee-highs, gents.
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  11. Definitely what happens to you when Emma Stone dumps your ass.
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  12. Even if I use every ounce of brain power I possess, I cannot even begin to fathom the amount of cocaine these two have consumed between them during their respective careers.
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  13. Nightmare...Haunt...can't ... finish ... sentence.
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  14. Uh. Maybe I spoke too soon.
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  15. It is my duty to point out at least once a year that Matthew McConaghey has T-Rex arms.
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  16. Static
  17. HOW MUCH MONEY DO THEIR PUBLICISTS MAKE?????
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  18. It's too easy, right? I can't nominate all of them. This isn't kindergarten. There are no awards just for participating.
    Static
  19. I love these. I just love when the public weighs in on important national issues. It reminds me that we all still have a voice.
    Static
  20. Spoiler alert, but just for the Kerry family: you're about to come into some ugly-ass wooden wine glasses.
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  21. I think I had this dream.
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  22. What's in Ali Wentworth's purse? Probably George Stephanopoulos! HA HA HA HA HA HA! Get it? BECAUSE HE'S SMALL!!!!
    Static
    Also, it's nice to see inside the purse of someone I have heard of but the millenials might not.
  23. The very least a crushed dog deserves is a treat.
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  24. This expression. Talk about meme-ready. AGAIN.
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  25. These two look like the blond and dark-haired version of the same emoji.
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  26. Koven.
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  27. Hands-down the best celebrity sighting of all time.
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  28. I feel certain he will not lack for company.
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  29. Good.
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  30. Lord.
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  31. It has Erika Jayne, a Hello Kitty Bounce house, video game stations, display donuts and Bethenny Frankel's boobs.
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  32. Another page, another nominee.
    Static
  33. Things you don't believe are things even with photographic proof.
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  34. YES
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  35. What. Is. It???
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  36. Static
  37. There should be a law: see-through skirt OR belly and shoulder cut outs.
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  38. Denim does not get enough credit for its credulity-straining durability and strength.
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  39. No reason we shouldn't be upcycling all of Apollo Creed's robes.
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  40. 25 Things You Don't Know About Geena Davis!
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  41. How on EARTH is this woman 60?!?!
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  42. Her house sounds terrifying, frankly.
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  43. 😍
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  44. This is a great claim to make since there's no way anyone could ever tell if you were making it up.
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  45. Okay. Wait. Now I'm just wondering if she's fucking with us.
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  46. I knew this one already and I think it is awesome.
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  47. Now I'm just terrified of her.
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  48. So I guess this means that it's time to hand out the last Christ on a Cracker Award for Sartorial Dumbfuckery of 2016. You really brought it this year, celebs. A lot of you looked like garbage a lot of the time. But for this issue, I have to give it to Kim Zolciak's denim jumpsuit. Let's hope she gives it the holidays off to celebrate.