ANGUS THE ANTI-TRUMP™ WOULD LIKE TO HELP YOU NAVIGATE THE NEW WORLD ORDER
In the days ahead, Angus will be providing you with a series of calming poses and meditations to help you keep your abject terror at bay.
- •DAY 1: Consider this stretch, dubbed the "Ginger sea lioncat." Wedge yourself right in there.
- •DAY 2: Tonight's calming stretch from Angus the Anti-Trump™. He says it represents community, our need to reach out to each other. But then I thought I heard him whisper "horse shit" under his breath.
- •DAY 3: Angus reminds us that we need to look outside of ourselves, outside our comfort zones to the world beyond. We need to embrace those different from ourselves. Except squirrels. Never squirrels.
- •Tonight, Angus just muttered "Betsy Fucking DeVos" and hid his head.
- •Angus recommends relaxing to try to calm down about the fact that our toddler president is threatening our country's judiciary. He heard baths were relaxing, but feels this proximity is sufficient.
- •Today, Angus the Anti-Trump™ gives no fucks. This Russian stuff has him a little worked up. You catch him playing on his toy? SO WHAT?!? He's not ashamed! He may need to take a goddamn nap.
- •Today, Angus the Anti-Trump™ feels shame simply for being orange. Reversing the bathroom ban? Appalling. Angus wants you to know that anyone can use his litter box. ANYONE.
- •Today, Angus the Anti-Trump™ recommends taking a deep breath, assuming savasana and then screaming at the top of your lungs, "EVERYONE KNEW HEALTHCARE WAS COMPLICATED, YOU DESICCATED MOUSE TURD!!" 🐭 💩 Aaaaaaaaaaaand...exhale.
- •Today, in response to what the media is dubbing Travel Ban 2.0, Angus the Anti-Trump ™ offers this calming option: stretch your paw/hand out in front of you and slowly, mindfully extend your middle claw/finger/whathaveyou. Repeat as needed.(Note: if you don't technically have a middle digit, make do. Intention is what matters here.)
- •Today, Angus yelled "MIKE PENCE, YOU STUPID MOTHERFUCKER" and then asked if we could just hold hands for a while.
- •Today, Angus the Anti Trump™ reminds us that life is made of ups and downs, good and bad, yin and yang. So Steve Bannon gets yanked off the security council but then fucking Mitch McConnell goes for the nuclear option. IT CAN'T BE GOOD IF IT'S CALLED THE NUCLEAR OPTION! So find a radiation-proof blanket and save yourself!!!
- •Good god. Some days, in the light of walk-off interviews and forehead-slapping history gaffes, all Angus can do is prepare himself intellectually for the world ahead.
- •Angus the Anti-Trump™ knows gloating is not gentlemanly. He also knows the dangers of getting ahead of oneself. That said, he is not beyond purring like a motherfucker at this headline.
- •"Trump may be hard to take down but not everyone is. NOT EVERYONE IS." -- Angus the Anti-Trump™ , who swears he is not talking about anyone in particular.