FIVE THINGS THAT COULD LURE ME INTO YOUR CULT & POSSIBLY INDUCE ME TO DO CRIMES FOR YOU

Because I just re-read Helter Skelter, that's why. To be clear, any one of these would do. Don't knock yourself out securing all five.
  1. 1.
    Tater tots
  2. 2.
    Books
  3. 3.
    Kittens
    But it would take, like, upwards of 5.
  4. 4.
    Chocolate mousse cake
  5. 5.
    Tim Riggins