FOUR TOTALLY REASONABLE CONSPIRACY THEORIES ABOUT MY LIFE 🏀
My official first - and potentially last - List App March Madness entry. Feel free to like it. A lot. Feel free to relist it. (Which autocorrect changed to "resist it." Do NOT resist it.) @aus10
- •A hacker is moving the letters on the iPhone keyboard just a smidge every few days so that somehow my thumb typing gets worse every day.
- •The government wants me be fat. I offer no particulars on this one, but I can't think of any other reasonable explanation for why I am.
- •The universe seats me in front of people who will talk throughout the movie EVERY SINGLE TIME to teach me patience or some other shit. Clearly IT'S WORKING, UNIVERSE.
- •The ghosts of my dead cats enter the house at night and sprinkle just enough of their hair around so that I will never be completely free of it.