MY PREMATURE – BUT NOT UNWARRANTED – CONCESSION SPEECH FOR THIS ROUND OF LIST APP MARCH MADNESS
This is just a draft. I'll polish it before the big day.
- •I'd also like to thank all the people who voted for my list, and all those who liked it some. But just not ENOUGH, evidently.
- •Next, I'd like to thank my husband. Although, frankly, I don't know why. I'm not sure he even read my list, let alone liked or relisted it. I may rethink my marriage. Thank you for that too, List App.
- •I probably should thank my family but I won't. They've given me nothing but grief and frankly I'm still holding a grudge about the prime rib issue last Christmas. In fact, Jonathan, I hope you're ashamed of yourself.
- •I'd like to thank Leo because I understand he won something recently after a long time of not winning stuff and that's supposed to be inspirational?
- •I'd like to thank my third grade teacher Mrs. Swanson-McNally, for totally undermining my confidence as a child, from which I have never recovered. This is how kids learn!
- •I'd like to thank society for making me feel bad about my body/hair/personality. Fortunately, I've been able to face that adversity and go on to accomplish not much at all.
- •And now a word of inspiration to all of you out there with a dream, a sparkling glimpse of a golden future. Two words, really: settle down. There's nothing wrong with being average. Deeply, irredeemably average.
- •THANK YOU, LIST APP!!! SEE YOU NEXT MARCH!!!!