THINGS I SAID OUT LOUD TO MYSELF DURING A SIX-HOUR DRIVE TODAY

Michigan to Kentucky. Boring AF.
  1. "Huh. Haven't seen much cattle around here."
    Only about an hour and a half into the trip. Not a good sign.
  2. "No, YOU'RE a wide load!"
    And then I LAUGHED for a good two minutes.
  3. "Get your shit together, Ohio!"
    Honestly, apropos of nothing. Just a general observation.
  4. "You, sir, are a fucktard."
    Fellow drivers. I bet I said this more than once.
  5. "Welcome to Ken-tucky!" (in my best Kenneth Parcell voice.)
    Too much time alone.