THINGS I WOULD SAY IF I WERE A JUDGE ON THE GREAT BRITISH BAKE OFF

  1. "Enough with the custard, already."
  2. "Enough with the rough puff, already."
  3. "Enough with the marzipan, already."
  4. "Enough with the elderflower, already."
  5. "Enough with the stem fucking ginger, already."