WHAT PEOPLE IN MASSAGE CHAIRS ARE PROBABLY THINKING

List requests give me performance anxiety. I think @TVAddict knows this and it is how she will slowly undermine my self-confidence.
  1. "I know, but trust me on this, no matter how much you hate me right now, i promise you I hate myself more."
  2. "Wait...I'm getting some new information right now...Yes, we can now confirm that I'm an enormous asshole."
  3. "Go ahead with your presentation, Thad. I can see fine from here."
  4. "These? They're Uggs!"
  5. "I guess I just type my destination in here and we'll take off any minute?"
  6. "All I have to do is wait for Andy to come to the mall and once he sees me in THIS chair, he'll know how cool I am."
  7. "This is how toast must feel."