IF I WERE ARRESTED IT WOULD PROBABLY BE FOR

  1. Stole somebody else's coffee at Starbucks because they didn't show up when the barista called
  2. Accidentally murdered someone because they caught me stealing their Netflix password
  3. Got an unexpected item in the bagging area and vandalised the self checkout machine out of sheer panic
  4. Skipped on rent because I sent an embarrassing text to a boy and my only option was to leave the country