Part II: All the comebacks I never sent

Cut to last Tuesday. The afforementioned Tinder boy sent me a text asking me about my weekend. I didn't respond, hoping he'd get the hint. But this morning I get 2 texts from him: "1/2 So... I guess we're not trying the friend thing?" "2/2 if you don't wanna all you gotta do is say so. I don't get offended easily, but I appreciate honesty"
  1. 👻
    Read: "don't you get it dude? I'm ghosting you!"
  2. WE MET ON TINDER DO YOU REALLY WANT TO BE FRIENDS WITH ME? Does my friendship really mean anything to you?
  3. I guess by being "friends" with someone I rejected after meeting them on Tinder and going on a couple dates with them, I meant that maybe one day in the future if we ran into each other I would say hello instead of hide and we could get coffee maybe—not too much more than that. Wasn't expecting you to want to text and stuff 😬
  4. I guess I didn't mean "friends-friends" like the people in the show Friends"
  5. Here's the truth: you're not funny enough to be interesting to me. You kept calling regular facts, fun facts. Please either get funnier, or get lost. Either way we're not friends.
  6. You know, language is a funny thing. We all have different interpretations of words...
  7. I feel closer to my computer than you
  8. Oh did I say friends? I meant let's slowly fade away from each other's lives
  9. You know how friends sometimes aren't actually friends... That's kind of what I meant
  10. This friendship is starting out pretty rocky. I don't think it's working out. Let's stop being friends.
  11. Tweet every single one of these lines and then send him a link to my Twitter
  12. This friendship is a lie! I can't be trusted. Leave me!
  13. Getting realer: this is classic MEH-N! You're making me feel like I did something wrong by ignoring your "friendliness". As if I'm trying to intentionally hurt you. When all I really want is to ignore your advances and like pay attention at work/ live my life
  14. You don't genuinely want to be friends with me you're just trying to prove to yourself that I'm a bitch because there's no other possible explanation for me rejecting you.
  15. Life is complicated. Sometimes we agree to things we don't mean to.
  16. Congratulations! You have been selected to go on a free trip to the Bahamas. To redeem call 1-800-BAHAMAS.
  17. They say honesty is the best Policy. I say FUCK THE GOVERNMENT
  18. In the words of George Washington: "honestly, No"
  19. Why you gotta be like this, ~insert whiteboy name~??
  20. Ok then let's not be friends. Please don't text me anymore.
    Number blocked