Hi. My name is Rebeca and I'm an addict.
I am probably addicted to being addicted at this point. I did lots of drugs when I was in my teens and 20's because I didn't want to be an alcoholic. mmmmm ecstasy. I liked to feel good. cuz clearly I hated myself. I was able to quit drugs (yay) and smoking (double yay), but now it's still these. sigh.
- •SugarAnd it's everywhere! What a stupid thing to be addicted to. It seems so trivial to me. It's not like I'm swallowing handfuls of pills. But I might as well be emotionally. Getting my fix is just the same as when I had to get high. But it's a whole lot easier to score. Fml.
- •ShoppingI have too many. Of everything. It's like I have to have a million options. What the shit? I'm not a hoarder because I'm pretty good at getting rid of stuff (I LOVE to throw stuff away - best feeling ever/I'm OCD). And now we're on a single income. I am trying so hard not to buy stuff for myself and only essentials for the house and our daughter, but I still shop for me. And I feel so guilty. My husband is so tolerant and patient. I'm undeserving.
- •ShoesSee shopping above. I am definitely cutting back, but only because we don't have the room in this house. I have boxes of beautiful heels in the garage that will probably never be worn again (some have never been worn), but I can't give up.
- •PickingI'm a picker. Tweezers are my favorite, but fingernails week do. My hair follicles suffer for it. So do my cuticles. My face sometimes, too.
- •PerfectionI don't know what this even means. I know with every logical bone in my body that perfection doesn't exist. And yet... And if it's not perfect (home, body, mind), I'm not ok. I have a few ideas of where my standards come from, but they're so insanely far fetched that I can rarely obtain them. My lines are starting to blur, though, thanks to women like @lenadunham, meghan trainer and amy schumer.
- •ControlSelf-explanatory. Which means I refuse to be powerless over addiction - sorry 12 steps. So at least there's a rainbow at the end of this road (which happens to be 101 north).