Ways I Have Fantasized About Quitting My Dayjob This Week
It's only Tuesday!
- •Calmly removing all my clothes and continuing to type until someone notices I'm naked and asks me to leave.
- •Mariachi bandLike 6 guys and me. I'd wear a matching outfit (obviously) and sombrero and croon a mariachi version of "Take This Job and Shove It."
- •Fake a kidnapping.Hire some dudes dressed as ninjas.
- •Make up a story about how I've been hired to write on Orange Is The New Black.Could totally happen!
- •Publicly throw myself at the Facilities guy.He is an oddly sexy dude who shows up and fixes things! Quick fuck on the copier, mic drop.
- •Sing "I Dreamed A Dream" loudly, sobbing, in my cubicle.
- •Instigate loud conversations with my boss about the "seat of my feminine power." Tell the CEO I can't ghostwrite another email until I consult with my yoni.
- •Have aforementioned yonic consultations out loud.She should have a voice like Sarah Vaughn. Remove pants to unmuffle my Divine Feminine. Use hand puppetry if necessary.
- •Monologue from The Bacchae.Any one.
- •Breezily give my boss my lunch order, tell him to make sure it's hot this time.
- •A tidal wave sweeps through and carries me away.Everyone else is left unharmed.
- •Thanks, I feel better now.