Ways I Have Fantasized About Quitting My Dayjob This Week

It's only Tuesday!
  1. Calmly removing all my clothes and continuing to type until someone notices I'm naked and asks me to leave.
  2. Mariachi band
    Like 6 guys and me. I'd wear a matching outfit (obviously) and sombrero and croon a mariachi version of "Take This Job and Shove It."
  3. Fake a kidnapping.
    Hire some dudes dressed as ninjas.
  4. Make up a story about how I've been hired to write on Orange Is The New Black.
    Could totally happen!
  5. Self-immolation
  6. Publicly throw myself at the Facilities guy.
    He is an oddly sexy dude who shows up and fixes things! Quick fuck on the copier, mic drop.
  7. Sing "I Dreamed A Dream" loudly, sobbing, in my cubicle.
  8. Instigate loud conversations with my boss about the "seat of my feminine power." Tell the CEO I can't ghostwrite another email until I consult with my yoni.
  9. Have aforementioned yonic consultations out loud.
    She should have a voice like Sarah Vaughn. Remove pants to unmuffle my Divine Feminine. Use hand puppetry if necessary.
  10. Monologue from The Bacchae.
    Any one.
  11. Breezily give my boss my lunch order, tell him to make sure it's hot this time.
  12. A tidal wave sweeps through and carries me away.
    Everyone else is left unharmed.
  13. Thanks, I feel better now.