HOME FROM THE MIDDLE EAST DRINKING GAME
Get a bottle of Arak, a shot glass, and some gross Petra beer to get you through social interactions for the next week.
- •"Do you have to wear a headscarf?"Take a shot. Two shots if they mispronounce "hijab." Finish the bottle of liquor for every time someone asks if you have to wear a burqa. You'll be blackout drunk by 9am.
- •"Do you ride a camel to work?"Take a shot. Finish your beer if they believe you when you say, "yes, of course."
- •~insert bad ISIS joke~Take a shot. Take another shot. Leave the room when you taste blood from biting your tongue so hard.
- •"Is it safe?"Take a shot. Two shots when they ask your parents this instead of you.
- •"What do you eat?!"Take a shot. Finish your beer if they ask if all you eat is hummus and falafel. (This is an accurate stereotype, but still... Ugh.)
- •"Are you scared?"Take a shot. Finish your beer as you explain that your anxiety in college has kinda made you a fear-Hulk... That's my secret, I'm always scared.
- •~insert racist or Islamophobic comment~Take a shot. Finish your beer when someone makes a "multiple wives" joke. Finish the bottle of liquor when someone quotes Donald Trump to you.
- •"So are you fluent in Arabic?"Take a shot and laugh when they are impressed by, "assalamu aleykum."
- •"When are you coming back?"Take a shot. Take another shot for every major life event someone brings up that you're missing by being in the Middle East.
- •"What are you doing next?"Finish the bottle as you contemplate your life choices. Reread and reread again the LA Times job posting for Middle East correspondent... Just saying...