HOME FROM THE MIDDLE EAST DRINKING GAME

Get a bottle of Arak, a shot glass, and some gross Petra beer to get you through social interactions for the next week.
  1. "Do you have to wear a headscarf?"
    Take a shot. Two shots if they mispronounce "hijab." Finish the bottle of liquor for every time someone asks if you have to wear a burqa. You'll be blackout drunk by 9am.
  2. "Do you ride a camel to work?"
    Take a shot. Finish your beer if they believe you when you say, "yes, of course."
  3. ~insert bad ISIS joke~
    Take a shot. Take another shot. Leave the room when you taste blood from biting your tongue so hard.
  4. "Is it safe?"
    Take a shot. Two shots when they ask your parents this instead of you.
  5. "What do you eat?!"
    Take a shot. Finish your beer if they ask if all you eat is hummus and falafel. (This is an accurate stereotype, but still... Ugh.)
  6. "Are you scared?"
    Take a shot. Finish your beer as you explain that your anxiety in college has kinda made you a fear-Hulk... That's my secret, I'm always scared.
  7. ~insert racist or Islamophobic comment~
    Take a shot. Finish your beer when someone makes a "multiple wives" joke. Finish the bottle of liquor when someone quotes Donald Trump to you.
  8. "So are you fluent in Arabic?"
    Take a shot and laugh when they are impressed by, "assalamu aleykum."
  9. "When are you coming back?"
    Take a shot. Take another shot for every major life event someone brings up that you're missing by being in the Middle East.
  10. "What are you doing next?"
    Finish the bottle as you contemplate your life choices. Reread and reread again the LA Times job posting for Middle East correspondent... Just saying...