HOW TO SURVIVE SAND FLIES

Am I the only ListApper in MENA? Anyway: My roommate and I are dealing with a sandfly infestation (because we left our windows open at night without the screen.) From the knees down, we have lots of itchy red bites. This is how we're dealing.
  1. Thank G-d it's not bedbugs.
    Our first assumption, putting us in full-on panic and OCD itching mode. The bite locations/patterns do not match bedbugs. But I had a good two days in which I thought I'd have to burn everything I own.
  2. "Apartment is full of butterflies?" Try to explain the situation in Arabic to the handyman.
    Google translate is a bitch and "flies" was translating to "butterflies" in Arabic. Our handyman has two very-stressed out women vehemently declaring that we were being bitten/attacked by butterflies in our apartment. He asked if we'd been leaving the windows open at night. Yeah. Don't do that.
  3. Shut the damn windows.
    No more! I don't think these little fuckers have a very log lifespan. I've had no new bites since yesterday. We'll wait them out?
  4. Scratch, scratch, scratch
    This is worse than fire ants and chiggers COMBINED. Is cutting off my feet and option? 😔
  5. Suffer through a Jordanian pharmacy
    Pharmacists here don't have time for your bullshit. I got some weird foreign calamine lotion that probably expired in 2010 and have covered my feet in it. I look like I'm wearing chalking white socks.
  6. Be grateful I'm single.
    Nothing is sexy about clawing at your ankles and the current red rash of bites. I'm so glad no one will see me without my pants on. At least the only person I'm grossing out is myself.
  7. Clean all the things!
    Take the trash out, beat the rugs, strip your sheets. When you start to grumble, return to step 1: it could be so much worse.
  8. Call Dr. Dad
    Am I gonna die? Am I gonna get Leishmaniasis AKA Baghdad Boil? What if I get weird ulcers on my face? What are my chances of getting a boyfriend if I get a disfiguring protozoal disease from this? #realtalk
  9. UPDATE just met someone who has had Leishmaniasis and she calmed all my fears!!!!
    Met this badass boss lady at church who does crisis medical aide, and so obviously I stuck my ankle in her face and blathered on and on. She casually drops, "oh yeah I had leishmaniasis in South Sudan." And she didn't get the boils/disfigured!! Sorry really gross but I've been in a hypochondriac meltdown all day.