1. Narrates what she's doing
  2. Describes the birds in the pond behind her house
  3. Plays games
  4. Has a conversation with my dad
  5. Has a conversation with her navigation system
  6. Puts her phone on mute without realizing it
  7. Hangs up on me
  8. Talks for an hour straight and then suddenly has to go
  9. cleans every surface that is already impeccably clean
    Suggested by @allisonw
    Suggested by @lindsaygelfand
  11. Repeats everything I say out loud to my dad
    Suggested by @sally
  12. Will have a full on 15 minute conversation and then say "I'm at the [doctor's] [little sister's piano lesson] [anywhere she shouldn't have an extended conversation]. I gotta go!"
    Suggested by @hollis
  13. Gets flustered trying do something basic on her laptop like close a window and asks me to "hold on a sec" in order to finish. (which takes several minutes)
    Suggested by @johnnyartpants
  14. Or I'll call and ask how she is and she'll say "anytime you call me and you're not crying, I'm happy!"
    This speaks more to my constant emotional state.
    Suggested by @hollis
  15. Asks me for computer trouble shooting.
    That Amy Schumer "Mom Computer Therapy " skit hit a little bit too close to home.
    Suggested by @eatthelove
  16. Says "Well I don't want to keep you, I know you're busy," when she actually wants to get off the phone.
    Suggested by @zoe
  17. Texts me links to webpages which discuss how sad people get when they realize how they neglected their parents while they were alive
    Suggested by @ChrisK
  18. Does the dishes
    Why does someone doing the dishes sound like the apocalypse over the phone. I only talk to her on speaker when she is doing dishes.
    Suggested by @leahmw
  19. Asks me for directions
    I am in Los Angeles. She is in Connecticut.
    Suggested by @leahmw
  20. Asks about my sex life, tries to relate by sharing a story about my dad, gets insulted when I make her stop
    Suggested by @SGGinNYC
  21. Misses her freeway exit.
    Suggested by @EricElkins
  22. Tells me the score of her latest Bejewled game.
    The game she's playing as we're talking
    Suggested by @michael
  23. Says "ok well, I'll let you go" if I pause for a more than a beat in the middle of a STORY that she is 100% not listening to
    Suggested by @white_lightning
  24. Puts away groceries, empties the dishwasher or any other activity that sounds super loud over the phone. Argh!!
    Suggested by @TT
  25. Completely stops speaking to me and starts doing anything and everything else.
    Suggested by @natasha
  26. Asks incredibly detailed questions about regular, daily things in case I bring up what she wants to talk/lecture me about for the next 20 minutes...so it seems natural
    Suggested by @klrosenb
  27. We facetime but she forgets and still puts the phone up to her ear, forcing me to stare into her ear canal
    Suggested by @aprilkquioh
  28. Gets high with Barb from next door.
    Suggested by @videodrew