14 years into my relationship, almost 8 of them married. I have thoughts!
  1. It is harder than you expect.
  2. It is easier than you expect.
  3. It is just as much about choosing who you're willing to never be with as it is about choosing who you want to be with.
  4. No one who is not in your marriage can fully understand it.
  5. You and your partner can make whatever rules you want.
  6. Sometimes the rules will break, or you will break the rules.
  7. You can renegotiate the rules.
  8. Yes, a marriage is a thing you negotiate.
  9. Your partner will not complete you. You have to complete yourself.
  10. It's okay to go to bed angry. Things look different in the light of day.
  11. You will fuck up.
  12. Your partner will fuck up.
  13. You'll get over the fuck-ups faster if you try to understand where your partner is coming from.
  14. At some point, each of you will no longer be the person the other first fell in love with. If this is going to work, each of you is going to have to love several versions of the other.
  15. You'll be happier if you keep some things for yourself. Or your best friend.
  16. You will be happier than you ever imagined.
  17. You will think about leaving.
  18. It's easier to say the hard things when you are side-by-side.
  19. There is no one right way to load a dishwasher.