Entertaining the Mind While Torturing the Body

i run, but i would never call myself a runner. that's because of the thoughts that go through my head while running (and also i'm not good at it)
  1. "i am the purest form of myself, i love running"
    this lasts while i'm still tying my shoes. i am inside and likely haven't even picked out which female rock/pop/r&b star will keep me iCompany
  2. "i am so grateful that my body is strong"
    i am walking to the front door. deo for the BO ✔️chap stick ✔️ strong hair tie ✔️ (in that order)
  3. "god, arizona is disgusting right now"
    it's fine, i'll burn extra calories trying not to die even though it's 7 am and already in the 90s
  4. "feel the rhythm..."
    i can do this. i've got a good hour in me. mom always said you could do anything for an hour.
  5. "...feel the rhyme..."
    fuck what everyone says about 2007, britney's still got it #toxic
  6. "... something something..."
    for approximately 4-5 minutes, my breathing falls into place and i don't hate my life, my self, and all of my decisions that led me to this precise moment
  7. "...it's bobsled time"
    it is truly foul outside. forget the bobsled-- just gimme some snow. at least a nice chilled beverage?? 😤
  8. "okay, it's not so bad"
    this is probably the most positive thought that i actually believe. otherwise i'm lying.
  9. "nah, nah, honey i'm good"
    catchiest song on the planet, i really can run for an hour
  10. "where are all the other joggers? moms pushing strollers? cars? stray dogs?"
    @abbyzeecee? anyone? bueller? bueller? someone needs to be nearby and potentially watching me so i don't just lie down in the middle of the street like @lenadunham in Girls
  11. "maybe i should make a list"
    hence my appreciation for this app
  12. "things i am glad i'm not doing"
    1 folding laundry 2 having bad sex 3 getting a cavity filled
  13. "things i wish i was doing"
    1 hanging out with my baby #Cutlet nephew 😍👶🏼😍 2 having good sex 3 not running
  14. "what did the fish say when he swam into a wall?"
    dam
  15. "stop// laughing to myself "
    i look like a crazy person
  16. "not dead yet"
    this is a thing my brother-in-law says. it is not necessarily good news, but it could be worse. @donnie runs marathons, by the way, for fun
  17. "slow song on my iPod??!"
    slow, painful death. i know i was feeling extra hear-me-roar when i downloaded 'you don't own me,' but lesley gore isn't going to cut it right now
  18. "i think i'm bored"
    i used to think that meant i was a power house merely underwhelmed by cardio, but i know now that either 1 i have ADD or 2 i'm not working hard enough
  19. "i can't even.."
    don't judge me, i'm basic. and really, i know when i can but don't want to vs when i truly can't. this signals the cool down portion of my adventure
  20. "what's in the fridge?"
    the real reasons i run: cheese, cheetos, eating when i'm happy, eating when i'm bored, eating when i'm mad, cheese again, and my BFF, wine 🍷