HOW TO GROCERY SHOP FOR ONE PERSON

Inspired by @washingtonpost
  1. Stouffers Mac n Cheese.
    Four boxes, Satisfying Serving size. Because Stouffers anything. But especially Mac n cheese. Because fat and sodium make everything taste divine. And you need a lot. Of both. Especially if you're dehydrated.
  2. 1 jumbo jar hot Giardinera.
    Because Sodium. Great for a hangover when you need extra. You know, to combat dehydration.
  3. Ramen. Spicy.
    Because Ramen. Spicy. And sodium.
  4. Bottled water
    Because you're trying not to drink so much pop. And because dehydration.
  5. Bananas and Fig Newtons.
    With a cup or three of coffee? Breakfast of champions! Because breakfast is important. Yeah, not much sodium, BUT plenty of caffeine. And potassium. And may I say that caffeine and potassium are the shit when you're out of fat and sodium and you're dehydrated.
  6. A 12 pack of Coke. Not diet.
    Just in case the water doesn't cut it. And because Coke. And sodium. And dehydration.
  7. Cheese. Chunk, block, shred, cream.
    Because cheese. And fat.
  8. Sour Cream
    Because sour cream. And fat.
  9. Cookies or some such.
    Because you don't really eat sweets, but you might if you run out of cheese and sour cream. And fat. And sodium.
  10. A 12 pack of beer.
    Because maybe company. Or because maybe just getting shitfaced by yourself and drunk texting, then regretting it the next day while you eat a whole jar of hot Giardinera and a whole Stouffers Satisfying Servings Mac n Cheese, and drink a dozen bottles/cans of water/Coke in bed with your cats and Netflix.
  11. Tylenol.
    Extra strength. Because. Yeah...