"If a tree falls in the forest, and there’s nobody around to hear, does it make a sound?" We may never know, but we do know that if Ian is doing any of these following items (see list below) then no one is looking.
  1. Sleep soundly
    At least we hope no one is looking...
  2. Watch cooking videos/home improvement shows
    I watch it for the story...
  3. Spend too much time in front of the mirror
  4. Practice marching technique while walking down the street
    Toe down, primarily
  5. Keep the crippling depression from setting in
  6. Throw up some gang signs
  7. Try on women's clothing
    "It rubs the lotion on its skin or else it gets the hose again."
  8. Execute cool/impressive feats of skill
    Of course no one is looking
  9. Roll eyes so hard momentary blindness is achieved
    Also performed when people are looking
  10. Create lists at the request of bass drum techs
    You know who you are *cough* Chase *cough* "Oh, word?"
  11. Sing along to songs with at least 76.3% lyrical accuracy
    And always in an unnecessary falsetto
  12. Oh God, the crippling depression!
    Stop it! Please for the love of all that is holy, stop it!
  13. Show true character
    *insert played out adage about character and no one looking and some other stuff blah blah...*
  14. Take BuzzFeed quizzes/other stock Facebook personality quizzes
    How else will we know which sandwich or household appliance best fits our personalities? Side note: Grilled cheese and microwave
  15. Click "I have read and agree to these terms and conditions"
    I have never read or agreed to these terms and conditions
  16. Hide the bodies of my victims in unmarked graves in the clearing around the large oak tree off the beaten path at Little Mulberry Park
  17. Be a sarcastic ass
    Oh wait, that's when ANYONE is looking, nevermind...
  18. Run out of ideas for lists and thus be forced to Google search the subject of said list in a desperate attempt to spur creative content
    End up only finding quotes about character Turns out some of these are from Google, can you guess which?
  19. I think this is enough for now
    If you've gotten this far, congratulations. Leave a like and be sure to follow for more lists like this one. If you were looking for more on this list, I may return to it at some point, but I felt like it was losing the overall humour so I'll quit while I'm ahead.