Tevye's List of Things to Do if He Were a Rich Man

Inspired by @Nicholas list about Eliza Doolittle's bait and switch, here I offer a further exploration of Tevye's get rich bucket list
  1. BIDDY BIDDY BUM
    The first thing he'd do is speak in gibberish, unless Biddy Biddy Bumming has some deeper meaning among career milkmen.
  2. NOT WORK HARD
    Can't say I blame him. He's put in his hours supporting his estrogen overloaded household.
  3. BUILD A BIG TALL HOUSE WITH ROOMS BY THE DOZEN, RIGHT IN THE MIDDLE OF THE TOWN
    Proving that even in a dying shtetl like Anatevka, it's all about location
  4. BUILD A FINE TIN ROOF
    Guess aluminum siding was kinda a big deal during the progroms.
  5. BUILD REAL WOODEN FLOORS BELOW
    The use of "real" wood floors seems like Tevye was just reaching for a spare syllable. And what else would there have been, linoleum?
  6. CONSTRUCT ONE LONG STAIRCASE JUST LEADING UP, AND ONE EVEN LEADING DOWN AND ONE MORE LEADING NOWHERE JUST FOR SHOW
    I guess if you've suddenly got money you can go ahead and build the Winchester Mystery House of the Old Country
  7. FILL YARD WITH CHICKS AND TURKEYS AND GEESE AND DUCKS FOR THE TOWN TO SEE AND HEAR
    Kinda quaint display of nouveau riche status. Sure beats filling the yard with a new Porche, a new yacht and a new wife for the town to see and hear.
  8. SEEING HIS WIFE LOOKING LIKE A RICH MAN'S WIFE WITH A PROPER DOUBLE CHIN
    Such simpler times. Now it would be her having proper Double D's
  9. SIT IN THE SYNAGOGUE AND PRAY AND MAYBE HAVE A SEAT BY THE EASTERN WALL
    Again, location, location, location
  10. DISCUSS THE HOLY BOOKS SEVERAL HOURS EVERYDAY
    I am sure his five daughters would be thrilled that even after winning the lottery, their dad would contribute nothing towards them and make himself even more unavailable to them, electing to spend his newly found fortune hanging out with the dudes at the local synagogue acting like a big shot.
  11. MORE BIDDY BIDDY BUMMING
    Maybe that is code for whore mongering. Who knows?