LIFE PROBLEMS I NEED SOLVED FOR ME

Please solve all these problems in the comments by noon tomorrow
  1. How to make rice cooker rice be less bland
  2. How to get through the 3 hour bedtime ritual of two kids under 4
    Id say without losing your mind but that horse has left the barn. Alternately: if you cant solve this in the comments you can come over and put then to bed yourself
  3. How to remain cognizant enough during a conference call that when someone asks you something you can adequately fake having heard what they said
    And the solution can't be: just pay attention. That's not in the cards
  4. How to stop looking at my phone
  5. How one day to deal with my kids reading my horrific college memoir OR how to destroy every copy on earth
    Im open to either route
  6. How to keep up with my email
    Email is such a presence constantly it physically hurts my to write an email now. I feel my soul slipping away with every one. And thats like my entire job now. That's everyone's entire job. Cant we call a worldwide truce? My email in box looks like a bosch painting
  7. How to do something about these remotes
    We have seven of them. Seven. I can't live this way
  8. How to decide what to watch
    Too many choices. Too much pressure. Just decide for me
  9. Folding a fitted sheet!
    Suggested by   @notalexreid
  10. How do I make my brother stop complaining? Ha ha ha.
    Suggested by   @alirushfield