MOST THOUGHTS I HAVE WHEN OUT IN PUBLIC SINCE TURNING 40/PARENTHOOD

  1. Who is this person saying hello to me?
    Did we go out in the 90's? Was she the person who complained about me in that drivers ed class for talking too much? My old roommate?
  2. Were people always this loud?
  3. Why's everyone looking at their phones? Did something happen?
  4. $18 for this??!?
  5. This is a song?
  6. Oh great so now I'm supposed to learn what izzy azailas is?
  7. My kids are so much better looking than those
  8. If i leave now i can still get 5 hours sleep tonight
  9. Not one person here even understands how much better MASH was before Col Blake died
  10. Not one person here even understands that once this place was Hamburger Henrys
  11. That housewife was the star of escape from Witch Mountain! show some respect you barbarians!
  12. Ive eaten the french fries. Whats the good in not getting dessert at this point?
  13. Theres no way i really look like that. These telephone cameras are garbage.
  14. How many minutes till tubby time?