THE COMPLETE RANKING OF ALL INVENTIONS

I'm pretty sure this is all of them. Please add if I forgot anything
  1. 1.
    Reserved seating at movies
    3000 years of civilization pays off
  2. 2.
    The Pillow
    A home run
  3. 3.
    The Boat
    Setting of most of the best musicals
  4. 4.
    The Automobile
    Your private castle on wheels. Who apart from a new yorker could not love that?
  5. 5.
    Clothes
    Improves the appearance of 99 percent of humanity. Plus: warmth.
  6. 6.
    Raes Black Forest Sandwich
    Roast beef and swiss cheese on pumpernickel. Give yourselves a break all other sandwiches. This is game over
  7. 7.
    Home ice cream maker
    Should be kept in a household shrine snd worshiped as a god with burnt offerings and human sacrifice
  8. 8.
    The toaster
    Nothing flashy but underpromises and overdelivers every single time in every house in the world. Take notes Silicon Valley
  9. 9.
    Beepers
    You find out when someone wants to talk to you and call them back "when you can". Pretty much the perfect means of communication. What were we thinking giving them up?
  10. 10.
    Facebook
    You get to see what horrible people everyone you knew in college ended up marrying. Who wouldn't want that. Bonus points: annoying people start foaming at the mouth when it's mentioned
  11. 11.
    Snapchat
    The platform where people are least likely to make self important speeches so I don't really understand it but i want in
  12. 12.
    Pinterest
    So you make a scrapbook of things you like? Sure, might as well
  13. 13.
    CB radio
    And how do YOU find out where to eat when you pull into town? Yelp?!?
  14. 14.
    The Golden Age of Television
    I mean it's pretty much soap operas right? Which is fine!
  15. 15.
    Video games
    Centipede holds up. And defender. Other than that who needs it
  16. 16.
    Rotary phones
    My parents will never believe that these aren't the cause of all wrong numbers on earth.
  17. 17.
    The printing press
    I like books as much as the next man but can't quite forgive for wiping out the oral tradition
  18. 18.
    VCR's
    I think enough time has passed that we can admit we owe betamax a huge apology
  19. 19.
    Tivo/dvrs
    I used to look forward to leaving the house
  20. 20.
    Salad forks
    Get a life
  21. 21.
    Utopian ideologies
    Body count suggest these tend not to work our well
  22. 22.
    Venetian blinds
    Thanks for taking all the romance and adventure out of closing windows.
  23. 23.
    The Airplane
    Has no business being in the sky. Plus: uncomfortable and class resentment
  24. 24.
    Bookmark
    Rarely keep their place. Epitome of over promise under delivery
  25. 25.
    Academia
    Where ideas go to die
  26. 26.
    Exercise
    Originally invented as a medieval torture
  27. 27.
    Cellphones
    Seeing a line of people staring at their screens no one will convince me they are not all receiving instructions from their extraterrestrial masters
  28. 28.
    Twitter
    Satans minions jerk each other off onstage at an open mike in the 7th circle of hell. Not a fan
  29. 29.
    Suits with no ties
    Why don't you just wear suits with hockey helmets while you're at it