Based on a true story that happened to me at 4:53 this afternoon
  1. Die
  2. Wish you could die
  3. Pretend it didnt happen
  4. Travel in a time machine back 50 years and make the persons parents fall in love with other people
  5. Change your name, shave your head and go live among the rocks and lichen
  6. Cry for hours to anyone who will listen
  7. Cover everything you own in gravy and send the person pictures saying HAPPY NOW??!
  8. Spend years in therapy to finally rebuild some semblance of a normal life working with others who have been gravied.