TOP 10 THINGS I DIDN'T DO THIS WEEKEND

I didn't actually do anything except take the kids to parks and collapse from exhaustion. But here's the big things I really didn't do
  1. 1.
    Watch Fear the Walking Dead
    And I never will
  2. 2.
    Tweet
    I'm one week off Twitter and gotta say it's so much better than I dreamed it would be. It's like Ive grown a second brain. I'm at peace with the world. Quitting Twitter: Cheaper than Therapy
  3. 3.
    Cook spaghetti carbonara
    This hurts. No time + diet. But there's no night that this isn't what I secretly want to be doing
  4. 4.
    Work on my mystery novel
    Going for the record: 163 straight nights of not working on my novel. At 300 I win a free roast beef and cheddar sandwich from Arbys (worth it)
  5. 5.
    Answer those emails
    Are you one of the 80,000 people I owe an email to? Well too bad, this was not your lucky weekend. Seriously though email is a curse. People don't believe me when I say don't email me about things, call or IM. But Im on the brink of following up my retirement from Twitter with retirement from email
  6. 6.
    Stick to my retirement from Twitter
    I had a Show Us a Hero joke and couldn't stop myself. Pathetic thy name is me
  7. 7.
    Memorize poetry
    Our lives would be so much better if we memorized a poem every night. And after you do 20 it gets easier. I had a professor in college who made memorize 1 a week amd having my head full of them has saved my life. We should do it all the time. But I didn't this weekend, or any of the last 2000 weekends
  8. 8.
    Go to that thing
    And even if I could've gone,I would've killed myself before I'd willingly subject myself to a cluster f like that
  9. 9.
    Acknowledge how weird that thing at the park was
    God knows whose they were but four kids in the playground: 5 nannies, 4 bodyguards, 3 chauffeurs. I know the worlds a crazy place and you can't be too careful but jesus christ. What are those kids going to grow up thinking about their fellow man
  10. 10.
    Come up with a 10th item for this list
    Hey I could've cheated amd made it a top 9 list so how about some applause for my honesty for once