Reasons I Could Be People Magazine's Sexiest Man Alive in 2016

  1. I am a man
  2. I am alive (as of the writing of this list)
  3. In 2016, "sexiest" comes to mean a mildly attractive person that loves Reese's Peanut Butter cups and knows a lot of useless information about The Simpsons.
  4. My calendar is currently open to do a photo shoot.
  5. I've been told that at certain angles my shadow resembles the shadows of many former "Sexiest Men Alive"