Reasons I Could Be People Magazine's Sexiest Man Alive in 2016
- •I am a man
- •I am alive (as of the writing of this list)
- •In 2016, "sexiest" comes to mean a mildly attractive person that loves Reese's Peanut Butter cups and knows a lot of useless information about The Simpsons.
- •My calendar is currently open to do a photo shoot.
- •I've been told that at certain angles my shadow resembles the shadows of many former "Sexiest Men Alive"