Ways You Can Tell My Body Wasn't Inhabited By An Alien

  1. I yawn constantly.
    I'm a yawner.
  2. I will have a headache.
    Always have one, even if it's a little baby one.
  3. I'm rolling my eyes.
  4. I'm being a little dramatic in the way I'm generally living.
  5. I'm asking you to turn the TV/music down.
    I hAAAAAAAAte noise, and am super sensitive to loud, raucous sounds.
  6. I'm looking for an outlet to charge my phone.
    My phone is junk and it's alwaysssss dead.
  7. I'm the one playing with the kiddies while everyone else is sitting and talking.
    Alternately: I'm hogging my new baby niece Harper from everyone around me.
  8. You can hear my witch cackle a mile away.
  9. I'm being that annoying wife who just wants to be with her husband all the time.
    Gross, I know.
  10. I'm texting in ThePettyChat™
    Or Snapping in the PettyPals© Snapchat group.