Things My Dentist Says to Me

  1. "You have groovy teeth."
    Groovy as in full of grooves. Not groovy as in cool and awesome. Though I think the latter definition applies, too.
  2. "Is mint tooth paste okay, or would you prefer birthday cake?
    Pro tip: Unless it's your birthday and you really wanna shake things up, I always suggest sticking with classic mint.
  3. "I can tell you've been flossing!"
    Really? 'Cause the last time I flossed was 6 months ago when you did it for me at my checkup.
  4. "You have a very thick tongue."
    The better to taste my food with, my dear!
  5. "Your gums are a little gummy."
    Is that irregular? Aren't gums supposed to be "gummy?" Hence the name "gums?"