THINGS I (DON'T) LOOK FOR IN DATING APP PICTURES
Because sometimes... I'm surprised by how people choose to represent themselves.
- •Your VehicleReally? You wasted my time with three pictures of your old truck? I want to know what YOU look like. Unless you are a Transformer and you literally are your car, I don't want/need to see it.
- •Your Facial HairAnd how much of it is actually on your face. If you are attempting to simultaneously pull off "clean-shaven" and "rugged" by compromising with a full neck beard... I'm not interested. Pick one or the other.
- •Only Part of Your FaceIf you post a picture that's just your face from the nose up, or that crops out one-half of your face, I can only draw one of three conclusions: 1) You have a Phantom-of-the-Opera-esque facial deformity OR 2) You do not know how to take a selfie OR 3) You have no one in your life to ask, "Hey, can you take a picture of me?"
- •People Who Definitely Are Not YouI know for a fact that you are not related to the Obamas/Duck Dynasty family/other celebrities. Don't waste the 30 seconds I'm spending looking at you with pictures of other people.
- •SunglassesIf 4 of your 5 photos are of you in sunglasses, it makes me think that you A) cannot find shade ever B) are constantly hiding from non-existent paparazzi OR C) are insecure about whether or not your eyes are pretty, so you hide them. Be confident.
- •MemesJust don't.