THINGS I (DON'T) LOOK FOR IN DATING APP PICTURES

Because sometimes... I'm surprised by how people choose to represent themselves.
  1. Your Vehicle
    Really? You wasted my time with three pictures of your old truck? I want to know what YOU look like. Unless you are a Transformer and you literally are your car, I don't want/need to see it.
  2. Your Facial Hair
    And how much of it is actually on your face. If you are attempting to simultaneously pull off "clean-shaven" and "rugged" by compromising with a full neck beard... I'm not interested. Pick one or the other.
  3. Only Part of Your Face
    If you post a picture that's just your face from the nose up, or that crops out one-half of your face, I can only draw one of three conclusions: 1) You have a Phantom-of-the-Opera-esque facial deformity OR 2) You do not know how to take a selfie OR 3) You have no one in your life to ask, "Hey, can you take a picture of me?"
  4. People Who Definitely Are Not You
    I know for a fact that you are not related to the Obamas/Duck Dynasty family/other celebrities. Don't waste the 30 seconds I'm spending looking at you with pictures of other people.
  5. Sunglasses
    If 4 of your 5 photos are of you in sunglasses, it makes me think that you A) cannot find shade ever B) are constantly hiding from non-existent paparazzi OR C) are insecure about whether or not your eyes are pretty, so you hide them. Be confident.
  6. Memes
    Just don't.