What I Wanted to Be Growing Up, Chronologically

  1. A mom
    I had a collection of baby dolls big enough to start a fake baby daycare.
  2. A news anchor
    I basically just wanted to be Rebecca from Full House. That's all.
  3. A sanitation worker
    Sometimes when my mom would drive me to school, there would be a sanitation truck ahead of us which blocked our car from getting down the street. They would make me late to school and I was able to finish my hash browns in the car. They were my heroes.
  4. A teacher
    When I used to actually like school, I was more passionate about this idea.
  5. A fashion designer
    I would've only been successful in the fashion industry if women actually wore triangles on their bodies, as I drew them in my sketch book.
  6. The person that fills balloons with helium at Party City
    This sounded like a great idea until I remembered there's only like four and a half Party City locations in NYC.
  7. A professional Nintendo Wii bowler
    Turns out, it's not at all like real bowling. Also, it's a costly career choice. I couldn't afford all the TV screens I would shatter from the controller flying through it.
  8. A photographer
    Again, my lack of drawing skills would've prevented me from being a successful photographer.
  9. A barista
    I shouldn't be working around a substance that I'm easily addicted to.
  10. An actor/singer
    My dad is somewhere still praying that all the money he spent on voice and acting lessons will one day pay off. Sorry dad. But hey, you never know what the future holds, right?
  11. A bartender
    (See "Barista" above)