HOW MY SELF-IMAGE CHANGES AT VARIOUS LOCATIONS

Self-image is a fickle thing, am I right, ladiezzz?
  1. Walmart
    "I am the most put-together, high-class lady on God's green earth."
  2. Trying on bridesmaid dresses at David's Bridal
    "I am a lumpy, rectangular MONSTER!! Why have I ever shown my face in public? From now on, I will subsist on nothing but lemon water and sunlight!"
  3. The science/engineering building at my university
    "All left-brained peasants bow down to me, for I am Art embodied."
  4. Bureaucratic governmenty places like the DMV
    "I am a shy little kitten and I know nothing of the world. Someone please take me in and teach me how to renew my license!"
  5. Walking home to my cat and computer past all the bars on Division street on a Saturday night
    "I'm going to be alone forever and also I'm scared and also I wish that bouncer would stop looking at me and also did I mention I'm scared"
  6. The airport (when traveling alone)
    "I am a perfect sunbeam of organization and efficiency!"
  7. The airport (when traveling with others)
    "I'm a sweaty glob of pond scum and Martha Stewart would be so disappointed in me!"
  8. Family events that require heels
    "Time to return to the NBA where I belong."