TOP THINGS STRANGERS SAY TO ME REGARDING MY PHYSICAL APPEARANCE/LIFESTYLE. AND SOME CLARIFICATION.

  1. "Do you have a nosejob?" No, but since so many people ask perhaps I should sell molds of it to plastic surgeons across America and get rich.
  2. "Do you play basketball?" Why, because I'm tall? I dunno, do you ask fat people if sumo wrestle? Do you ask short people if they jockey racehorses?
  3. "Are you gay?" No, I'm just better at communicating with females than you are ...
  4. "Why are you so pissed off?" I'm not, this is just my face. I can't control it. I was born this way. Kinda like my nose. Some people refer to it as "resting bitch face." If I were to walk around forcing a smile I'd look way worse.
  5. "Do you snowboard or surf?" No, just because I have spent my life skateboarding and because they consist of riding a "board" doesn't mean I do those things. It may seem similar to you but that's because you know nothing about it.
  6. "So you are a writer ... Like, poems?" For some reason everyone goes to poetry first on this one. No. I don't write poetry.
  7. "Do you know Tony Hawk?" Yes, he is one of my bosses.