MY MORNING ROUTINE AS OF LATE

  1. Wake up with my hair everywhere like a 19th century hag
  2. Try to poop
  3. Fail to poop
  4. Drink coffee to get things moving
  5. Take a selfie
  6. Take my B-12 gummy vits (more than the recommended dose oops)
  7. Take my L-Theanine extra strength tablets cuz I'm an anxious bitch
  8. Make an egg and cheese because that's all that's ever in my fridge (in the rare event that those ingredients are not in my fridge I will go procure an egg and cheese at an eatery within walking distance of my apartment)
  9. Check if I have any likes on instie, tumblr, fb
  10. Get dressed or remain dressed because I oftentimes sleep in my clothes
  11. Put on axe deodorant and then a layer of dove deodorant
  12. Look for jobs on the food bev and hospitality section of craigslist
  13. Frustratedly accept that there are no new listings
  14. Watch videos on vine until I hate myself