Things No One Believes When I Tell Them

I'm a terrible liar. You gotta believe me!
  1. I don't want kids.
    Love 'em, but no.
  2. I have a Marilu Henner-like ability to remember faces.
    We've met before. Don't worry...we have.
  3. I once co-sued my next door neighbor because of her wind chimes.
    Google my name and read all about it!
  4. A TV writer I worked with did not know how to type. And did not want to learn.
  5. I was invited to a wedding where half of the party was invited to watch the ceremony inside while the rest of us losers waited outside for them to be finished.
    Sometimes this is all I think about. It still makes no sense.
  6. Baby showers make me very Jew-persticious.
    How about we wait to celebrate and name the baby until we know everything went smoothly? Just a pitch.
  7. The person in the middle of this picture is not a boy, it's my sister.
    She was very unhappy about her haircut. Also, guess which one is me.
  8. You can achieve the superhero power of invisibility!
    All you have to do is be single and over 35 in Los Angeles. But I could always go out with this guy...
  9. Or this guy...
    How great is his age listing? Props.
  10. I once got busy in a Burger King bathroom.
    Except I didn't. That's a song lyric, ya silly goose! Don't believe everything you read.