Things No One Believes When I Tell Them
I'm a terrible liar. You gotta believe me!
- •I don't want kids.Love 'em, but no.
- •I have a Marilu Henner-like ability to remember faces.We've met before. Don't worry...we have.
- •I once co-sued my next door neighbor because of her wind chimes.Google my name and read all about it!
- •A TV writer I worked with did not know how to type. And did not want to learn.
- •I was invited to a wedding where half of the party was invited to watch the ceremony inside while the rest of us losers waited outside for them to be finished.Sometimes this is all I think about. It still makes no sense.
- •Baby showers make me very Jew-persticious.How about we wait to celebrate and name the baby until we know everything went smoothly? Just a pitch.
- •The person in the middle of this picture is not a boy, it's my sister.She was very unhappy about her haircut. Also, guess which one is me.
- •You can achieve the superhero power of invisibility!All you have to do is be single and over 35 in Los Angeles. But I could always go out with this guy...
- •Or this guy...How great is his age listing? Props.
- •I once got busy in a Burger King bathroom.Except I didn't. That's a song lyric, ya silly goose! Don't believe everything you read.