Our nation has been blessed with some witty characters running for president. It is both hilarious and terrifying. Here, I try and make the candidates more, um, digestible.
  1. Donald Trump
    22a72854 4b10 459a 8046 a98237331ea5
    Cocktails in the Trump Tower Chicago actually bar range from $18-$81!!!!!!! Do you really want a president who would make you pay $18 for a drink? That doesn't include tip I'm talking $18 just for the drink.
  2. Hillary Clinton
    2c7eb09e ef18 426d 83f2 95cc10ef2e63
    HIL would charge you $8 MAX ($10 if you make over $200k) for somethin real fancy- like a Moscow Mule or a bottle of Barefoot wine.
  3. Bernie Sanders
    Eb79478c 0b48 42f7 948d 7f588a7cd5e2
    Bernie Sanders would definitely hand out free PBR. You'd love it, but then question how he could afford it. Whatever, who are you to ask?
  4. Ted Cruz
    43b97de9 fc0e 4cba bee4 376ced13bf0c
    Ted Cruz doesn't own the bar but he hangs around in the shadows of it sometimes. He'd buy you the first drink, but then creepily follow you all night until you buy him one.
  5. Ben Carson
    16ea3036 5d87 4c36 8a8b ef8d5ab8f20e
    Ben Carson charges $19 because he knows Trump charges a dollar less. Ben Carson doesn't allow women into his bar. Ben Carson doesn't quite know it, but Ben Carson owns a gay bar.
  6. Marco Rubio
    F809b4f8 ea23 4447 b878 46da89acfc9d
    Poor Marco can't get into the bar because no bouncer believes he's old enough to drink. He sits outside and asks people to pass back their IDs, but no one helps.
  7. Jeb Bush
    34e03101 ff71 4426 8b19 0f9747774683
    So Jeb would only charge you $5 for a drink but you have to comfort him while he cries all night.
  8. Mike Huckabee
    8ddf90c9 efb0 49c3 9955 e3b53fc8e683
    Mike Huckabee will serve you the best old fashioned you'll ever have and then tell you it costs $65. He then proceeds to scream when you refuse to leave a tip. Who knew the guy had so much anger?
  9. John Kasich
    79dfbb24 a41d 40dc 80d3 48dcddd83d02
    Kasich gives you a free beer bong of Busch Light so long as you root for Ohio State
  10. Carly Fiorina
    315c761e 82e9 458a 886e 1efaa5f237dd
    Carly charges you $14 for a drink but just ends up round-house kicking you in the face. It's actually kind of an awesome experience.