HOW TO BEE ME IN 5 EASY STEPS
Inspired by all the lists this week and last, sorry can't trace it back to the hive.
- •1 ) Break into my house when I'm not there.
- •2 ) Previously, make contacts in the bee community.You're like, where am I going to just find a beehive? But in South Minneapolis, I could throw a rock in the air and hit a house with a backyard bee sanctuary. The world is your resource. (Please don't throw rocks.)
- •3 ) Before you move the bees in, you'll want to remove all sugars from my place. This way, when I arrive I'll be the only sugar source and the bees will go. To. Town.I've leaned hard on sweets in my sobriety, so you have WORK to do, my friend. The stuff in the fridge is fine, of course. (Don't just throw the Nibs and Dots in the fridge, I could break a tooth on that noise.)
- •4 ) Rig a die-pack situation (like The Rock in PAIN & GAIN) so I open something and I'm doused in honey.
- •Possible honey bomb locations: my work bag, my lunch bag, under the driver-side visor of my car if the forecast is sunny.
- •As a courtesy, please spring for the really nice, organic honey.Sure, you could take some from the honeycombs you're dragging into my house. But you've got a lot on your plate today. Keep it separate.
- •5 ) Wait, this is just easier: rig a jug of raspberry lemonade above my door so when I unlock it I'm doused in raspberry lemonade.With raspberry lemonade, it doesn't look like I was dunked in pee. Again, courtesy. And it's a nice taste right before I'm attacked by a house full of bees.
- •Look, I'm just spitballing. You're the bee maniac. Figure it out.