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  1. Personal experience, not a collective observation but...
    Usually artsy white girls in liberal colleges are the only humans who are down to date me. Shout outs to white guilt one time for being the ultimate wingman in 2017? Got to get that diversity quota up in your love life.
  2. I read all my social media like... Damn some of y'all white people so woke...
    I might as well just go back to sleep. (Sarcasm.)
  3. I have no business using and taking back ownership of the 'N-word'...
    Unless I add 'Sand-' as its prefix?
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We've probably already been visited by aliens several times. I imagine they took one look at how we treat each other and were like, "Nope." Then they peaced the fuck out and talked mad smack about us to the other aliens like, "LOL you should see their world leaders!" Here’s why aliens visiting Earth would go so, so badly…
  1. If they’re stronger than us, they’ll scare us but if they’re weaker than us, we’ll treat them like a burden.
    We’re either pissed that we have to help (unless these aliens coming through with mad oil) OR we’re terrified that they’re a threat to our nation’s safety. There’s no winning with us.
  2. If we can’t communicate with each other, how in the hell do you think we’ll communicate with aliens!?
    With the rise of comment sections, came the death of healthy debate.
  3. We’re super violent.
    Pretty self-explanatory. We kill most things. We’ll probably try to kill an alien at some point. Especially if they look like humans, we’re especially good at killing things identical to ourselves. If you need proof of that you can check out this thing called ‘World History’. Perhaps that’s a little too cynical, if the aliens look like some kind of cute puppy dolphin hybrid… then we’ll probably care more about their feelings. We’re down for human murder… but DOLPHIN MURDER? THAT’S JUST SICK.
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