imagine Kevin Malone shouting "WARNING! WARNING!" - these are the ways in which I can tell that the big D (no, not THAT D) is trying to sneak up on me again.
  1. bye bye appetite 👋🏼
    I usually eat tons but recently I haven't been feeling like eating. even when I'm hungry, after a few bites either my brain is like "nah" or my stomach tells me I'm full.
  2. laziness
    I'm meant to be clearing out my room so that I can finally move out, but it takes SO. LONG. everything takes me forever to do because I don't feel like doing it, then I just spend my whole time thinking about all the stuff I haven't done and then I feel worse. even little things that are meant to be fun like using have become a struggle. (so soz for my lack of lists recently)
  3. nothing has a point
    I'll be sat somewhere with friends or family and just think "why am I here?" or wonder if my presence is valued or even noticed. I tend to just sit and not say anything and stare into the distance. (everyone is talking to someone else anyway)
  4. crying on demand
    even if I don't feel upset or particularly down, I could start crying at the flip of a switch.
  5. making any kind of decision suddenly becomes mega hard
    it takes me so long so even answer trivial questions like "shall we meet now or after lunch?" when it really doesn't matter what I say, but I still struggle with picking an answer. I also often forget the words that I want to say, so my sentences are left to hang in the air, unfinished.
  6. I prefer being around strangers
    because I like feeling anonymous and like people don't know anything about me. also I have to act happy and silly around colleagues and acquaintances, so it helps me believe that I'm okay because I have to convince others that I'm okay.
  7. but really I crave solitude
    sometimes even just watching telly with someone becomes too much. would rather be alone in my room doing nothing. which I find weird because loneliness is one of the main causes of my depression. MY BRAIN IS WEIRD.