1. "Love you, mean it."
    No, you don't. We met two seconds ago.
  2. "Liberry" instead of "library."
  3. "I don't believe in Western medicine." Good luck curing cancer with wind chimes and oregano!
  4. The stickers on this VW van that say "Cooked food is poison" and "we just want whirled peas."
    What are you even talking about?
  5. Slow walkers
  6. Long stories about your dog that are interesting to no one.
    You get one of these per conversation. Max!
  7. Intense philosophical conversations over text. Just call me.
  8. Serious conversations about zodiac signs.
    I can't.
  9. "Can you do me a solid?"
    No, but if you had asked for a favor I may have considered it.
    Suggested by @karenelkinscohen