I got surgery for the first time and it's just as fun and glamorous as I pictured.
  1. Can someone hold my blood box while I pee?
  2. I can't believe I was on morphine! I feel so edgy!
  3. I would prefer it if a lady nurse gave me a sponge bath.
  4. This jello tastes like heaven.
  5. I will try to pass gas, but I can't make promises.
  6. I hope my bod looked hot during surgery.
  7. Will I ever be able to do yoga again???
  8. How many people asked about me? Did they seem worried? How worried? Oh, good.
  9. Vanity Faire is People Magazine with classier font.