Already on li.st? Open in app.
She's the best.
- •What size sports bra do I wear?"Medium."
- •What's my social security number?"XXX-XX-XXXX"
- •Do I put a 1 or a 0 here on my W4?"0"
I'm just a girl doing her best
- •Eating in bedI hate finding crumbs in my sheets when I go to sleep, and yet here we are.
- •Scratching mosquito bitesI scratched like crazy when I had chicken pox as a kid and still have scars. I guess I'll NEVER LEARN.
- •Spending 20 minutes on my phone almost every morning before even getting up to pee
- •Woah, Mickey Rourke was so good looking when he was younger. Will people say that about me when I'm 63? Will I look that different in 40 years? Aging is weird. Especially when you're Mickey Rourke.I mean, wow.
- •I can't believe how many words exist that I don't know. I should be better about learning vocab. Maybe I should get one of those word of the day calendars.Words I looked up today include prostrate, sacrosanct, and impugn.
- •I don't get it. Why do they call him Mr. Big? What's his real name? Am I just supposed to accept this weird nickname?Recently started season 1 of Sex and the City. The late nineties were 🔥🔥🔥
- •I wonder how long I can avoid grocery shopping without starving to death.
As requested by one of the primary sources of my laughter, @meghancooking
- •Little children cussing
- •Poop/fart jokesThe more immature, the better 💩
- •When Colin Jost does this
Besides every single one of them
- •"Everything is legal in New Jersey."
- •"Uh-oh! You made the wrong sucker a cuckold. So time to pay the piper for the pants you unbuckled."Sassy as hell
- •"Awesome! Wow!"Done in a patronizing American accent