Things I Learned While Working At A French Bakery

I worked at a French bakery for two summers. Two summers full of too much food, and too many beautiful men. Thanks to @TheJuliaBeck for the inspiration to write this. @bjnovak, make this famous for me, k?
  1. The accent I have when I speak French is the equivalent to how a German accent sounds to Americans.
  2. A beanie is a perfectly acceptable (and damn fashionable) alternative to a chefs cap or hair net.
    It also very well may contain luscious locks of man hair.
  3. It doesn't matter how well you know a person, you will get a kiss on both cheeks.
    It is also important to remember which cheek comes first, so you don't have an awkward encounter. Happened to a friend.
  4. It doesn't matter how well you speak French, the French customers will find it endearing that you're trying, and will try to help you.
    Except for that one jerk who insults your attempt by calling you an idiot in French to your coworker.
  5. Making baguettes is an art form.
    Everything must be perfect.
  6. On the other hand, making croissants is a nuisance.
    It's really just fold and go, fold and go, as fast as you can.
  7. Speaking of which, the amount of butter in a croissant is scary.
    I won't tell you. If I did, you probably won't stop eating them, but you'll feel really bad about it next time you do.
  8. It doesn't matter how many times you says the beautiful French name of a food, there will always be the american customer who insists on calling a cannelé a "baby muffin top."
    And you will cry on the inside.
  9. To the French, a crispy baguette is the only baguette.
    However, Americans prefer them lighter, so that's how we make them and we toast them if asked.
  10. The French are so cool about eating food on the job.
    Grab a croissant and soda and go and sit in the back, it's all good mon ami.
  11. It's perfectly acceptable for the pastry chef (you know, the one with the luscious locks) to party until 2am, and then come into the bakery at 4am to make the dough.
    His hair is still beautiful. Jerk.
  12. It is also acceptable to hide in the huge tarte refrigerator and dough mixer in order to surprise on their birthday.
    Yea, that really happened. It was hilarious.
  13. Prank the new kid! It's a fun way to welcome them!
    It's their first job, they aren't going to say no when you tell them they have to work from 6:30am to 9:00 pm.
  14. They will teasingly ask if the counter is clean enough to lick.
    It was, so I did. Then I had to clean it again.
  15. Everyone is extremely good looking and well dressed.
    Seriously. It's not fair. I miss the luscious locks.
  16. When you hear a French accent months after you stop working there, you will get nostalgic.
  17. It will be one of the most fun and rewarding jobs you will ever have.
    Until management changes-then get the hell out of there.