Dranks for Nondrinkers

Every occasion in adult life is basically a drinking occasion, but sometimes you don't drink. Have this stuff instead …
  1. Club soda with lime or lemon
    The quintessential non-drinker party drank. It tastes good, there's no sugar, dead simple to pour at a crowded bar, and all those jackasses who hound you about not drinking will think it's a vodka soda. Meanwhile you're delightfully hydrated and don't have to answer stupid questions about your life choices from jackasses.
  2. Bitters and soda
    Bitters typically are alcoholic, but you're only getting a few dashes here (like 4 or so) — less than what's in a (gross) non-alcoholic beer. You can't taste the booze, it won't get you wasted, and a lot of nice bars carry pretty interesting bitters these days. Also, this is good for a tummy ache or a hangover.
  3. Ginger beer
    If the bar sells a Moscow Mule, ask for a ginger beer. Best soda everrrrrr. You can even ask for it in a ridic copper mug, if you want, but that shit is unnecessary IMHO.
  4. Fruit-based fancy dranks
    Any of those signature cocktails that involve berries muddled by some bearded bartender bro in suspenders taste just fine without the booze. They're basically just a nice juice spritzer with some spirits anyway. Always tip generously for these, they're a bitch to make.
  5. Virgin mojito
    If you want something refreshing and DGAF about sugar, this shit is delicious. I live in Miami, where out-of-towners always want these, so I play along often. Again, tip your face off. Muddling is shit work.
  6. Virgin Mary
    You know what's great? A fucking Bloody Mary. You know why? It's a liquid meal — with or without vodka.
  7. Martinelli's Sparking apple cider!!!
    💃🏽💯💃🏽
    Suggested by   @shanaz
  8. I don't see Shirly Temple on this list. That's my jam-- extra grenadine. (Because I'm 8)
    Suggested by   @hollytmoore