When Will It Be My Turn?

A picture triggered some feelings within and I had to write. I don't really publish a lot of my lists....they are all sitting in the drafts...this is from just now...my courage for publishing could be because it's almost 1:30am here and I'm tired...
  1. It starts with pictures of gifts
    Of them holding hands, of holidays they spend together, both here and trips they take together abroad
  2. On Facebook and Instagram
    Everywhere really. Their love blossoms.
  3. We are on the phone every night.
    "What does he mean when he says that?" "Will she like these earrings?" And so on....I walk with them every step of the way...
  4. Until they are engaged
  5. And getting married
  6. And pregnant
  7. And having a child
  8. And another
  9. I like all those updates they make on social media. I'm so happy for them.
    I personally call them to congratulate and celebrate with them ( I dislike how impersonal leaving comments on fb and Instagram feels)
  10. My friends.
  11. They rarely have time now.
  12. We used to talk on the phone, go shopping, hang out, plan trips together
  13. And somewhere along the way they met their pair and started off on another path with someone
  14. One after the other.
  15. Friends my age, friends younger than me.
  16. Don't get me wrong. I'm so happy for them. Immensely.
  17. Earlier this year at a friend's wedding reception, one of them said to me "wow Heena you have witnessed all of our weddings"
    Yes I had. I had been to the wedding receptions of each of my 11 friends sitting at that table with me that night, and at that moment we were at a mutual friend's wedding.
  18. I laugh it off. I am honoured to have been present on their special days
  19. I want that too!
    I want to be loved and to love!
  20. With each passing year, my hope, my faith dwindles.
  21. Each year the holidays get lonelier as my single friends are no longer single
  22. Being alone and lonely are two different things.
  23. I was once an optimist, a romantic, a believer of the magics and wonders of the world. A dreamer.
  24. It's more fun travelling through this journey of life with a partner. It's really difficult coming to terms with the fact that I might have to make this journey on my own
    The little dreamer buried deep within me refuses to believe this nonsense but harsh reality shakes me awake every morning requiring that I face it head on.
  25. It's really hard to accept that sometimes you can't have what you really really really want.