Why I Can't Sleep Right Now
- •It's 10PM. Who goes to bed at 10PM and expects to drift off like the wind?
- •I'm thinking about all the lists that need making.
- •The left leg of my pajama pants is riding up and my OCD is flaring.
- •I have to pee.
- •I still haven't read everything in the world.
- •I'm thinking of getting a piercing where the sun don't shine (I just want to be cool, ma.)
- •I wish I was watching a Bette Davis movie instead.
- •I have a wedgie now.
- •Too hot with the blankets on, too cold with them off.
- •I keep counting how many hours of sleep I would get if I slept this second.
- •I'm thinking of breakfast.
- •My stomach is upset from all the kale chips I had today.
- •I wonder if my farts are audible to my sleeping husband.
- •(Honey, I'm sorry, if you're reading this, that wasn't a fart noise that woke you up. The earth is under attack by giant bursting flammable bubbles. Goodbye cruel world.)