THOUGHTS FROM ATOP THE PORCELAIN

Suffering from overactive bowels today thanks to my drunken late night smorgasbord of tacos, Doritos, popcorn, and Starbursts. A few things I've pondered during my hours of sitting today:
  1. Does my dog know what a massage is? If she does, do you think she'd enjoy one?
  2. If Jesus had to make a playlist comprised of his favorite songs from the past 40 years, what would be on it?
    My guess is mostly Radiohead, some Blue Oyster Cult and a few Avril Lavigne tunes.
  3. Should my next guitar pedal purchase be an auto-wah or fuzz? Another overdrive? Harmonizer? Whammy? Do I really need another pedal?
    Of course I do.
  4. If Marlon Brando and Hunter S. Thompson were stranded on a desert island, what would they talk about?
  5. If I experienced the sensation of three orgasms happening simultaneously, I think I'd literally die.
  6. I might be deathly afraid of the color yellow.
  7. If there was one song I wish I had written, it'd be "Love Shack"
  8. If there's an all knowing being looking down upon us from the heavens, do you think he'd pay any attention to Australia?