How to Be Nicer to Your Coworkers

My coworker asked me to make this my first list.
  1. Stop punching them in the throat
  2. Don't complain when they don't make coffee
  3. Stop kicking over their water bottle and trash can
  4. Quit pressing all the keys on the keyboard
  5. No more name calling
  6. Accept their shitty music choices
  7. Pay them back for that weed they bought you
  8. No more pants adjustments in public
  9. Teach them self defense
  10. Don't show up drunk to their hotel room and open stolen champagne into their bed and/or suitcase
  11. No throwing newspapers, shoes, or empty cans onto them while they're sleeping
  12. No passing out naked when you invite a coworker to sleep over
  13. Let them help create your lists